And Then What? Queer “Activism” in the Age of Soundbites, Philly Style
Mama is tired
It’s no wonder to me why folks give up on volunteering, voting, and politics entirely, and don’t trust anyone outside their family and close circles. Because trust is STILL earned, and those who are busy chasing money and power too often view “trust” as something they perform for, and not the fruit of character, of which they are too often devoid. It’s all sad and frustrating when I see it play out. Time and again.
My mouth has gotten me in trouble more than once. But it has also turned many an ugly situation with a few simple questions. I am not a bullhorn-carrying activist. I value those who are, their work is necessary. But you’re far more likely to find me on the committee that forms as a response to injustice confronted, than outdoors protesting. We need both styles of advocacy, in my opinion.
I have three simple words I ask of people involved in toppling others, institutions, or injustices.
“And then what?”
I worked closely with an adept strategist for many years. She taught me to keep asking if/then questions. “If we do this, then what is most likely to happen?”… “And then what?”
While this was indeed public relations work, it was never nefarious or underhanded. It was about protecting the reputation of a venerable institution, and that always meant telling the truth -even if the truth was unpleasant. Because credibility was foremost and essential. Even in telling a story honestly, folks may doubt you, but that is on them.
My fiancé and I have a small passel of younger, mostly queer and trans folks who gravitated to the little bar we owned until COVID. Many stay in touch. I’ve helped more than one navigate the challenges of being us, and the challenges of watching folks jockey for position, rather than standing together. Hugs freely offered.
As just one example, an estimated 125k people lined Philadelphia’s streets for our Pride Parade in 2019. One of the largest and (to my mind) best run Pride celebrations in the nation was toppled and decimated (during a pandemic) by a small handful of disgruntled and largely discredited folks hellbent on cutting open the goose who laid the golden eggs. As the story goes -and I do wonder if anyone ever read to them as children- there were no eggs.
Just hard work by a very dedicated, very diverse group of people erased by a thorough doxing.
Black, queer woman-identified elders were erased by younger folks perpetuating inaccuracies and making calls to their landlords and employers with charges of racism and transphobia — charges easily disproven by the facts.
But the board had had enough. They had worked for decades building a celebration as inclusive as any in the nation. An example of something good, now cruelly Gone, at the hand of folks who put their ladders against the entirely wrong wall.
And the scrambling, back-peddling and not much of anything left in the wake is a very sad testament to not asking, “And then what?”
So those close to us already understand the story far better than most, because I’ve told all of them the truth of things as I watched it all unfold. I wasn’t one of those running the events, but they are my Dear Friends, mentors, and elders, and I can’t help to support our young friends by letting them believe untruths and vicious gossip. I can’t even try to inspire them to keep going, to be at all involved, if they can’t sort what is bad from what was merely called bad. If there is one thing I wish we would teach earlier and more often, its critical thinking.
Much of the shit that goes down in my city should be a study in what not to do. But as a Dear One pointed out, in a poor city currently lacking real leadership, horizontal hostility is inevitable. Often, I wonder if it isn’t also encouraged.
Because while Philadelphia is an overwhelmingly Democratic city, politicians of every strip seem to feel better served when the “common folks,” especially the queers, are busy eating their own.
And we’ve struggled with racism in ineffective ways that leave little accomplished, and bad behavior from all sides is often left unchecked for fear of also being cancelled. So stupid shit keeps happening. People keep getting used, then bewildered, made even angrier and less trusting of “authority” in any form, and Rinse, Repeat.
I see a lot of folks keeping their mouths shut. And I don’t necessarily blame them. When you think you can’t “win” many entirely reasonable folks don’t bother to play. The ones in power stay silent to maintain their gig, and many thinking they are without power just want to be left alone — which politicians and some activists count on to a large degree.
Wherever Life or provenance gives me the opportunity, I will sit down and offer whatever counsel I may have. I always do it with presence, honesty, integrity, and the sincere desire to help an advocate or activist find their words and assess their path. Some listen, many don’t -but I know I tried, and so do they. I’m not easily forgettable. I hope my words ring in the ears of a few folks who understand how bad their actions were, and who exactly would be hurt, and carried out their bullshit anyway. A certain pseudo journalist I gave three hours on the phone comes to mind. His star may rise, but he has little local credibility left. Good.
I made a statement once to a rather dim witted political novice who then made it his campaign slogan. He entered the fray with no background, acuity or plan beyond stoking the fires of othering and racism.
“Nothing changes if nothing changes.”
When I said it, I was talking about bringing our neighborhood together, not driving folks farther apart. I was suggesting all of us in community work needed to be more intentional about encouraging, inviting to the table, and listening to FAR more diverse voices than we were.
As is the way with too many today, he twisted my words to suggest a republican harkening back to the 1950’s -when more folks knew their place- was the change we needed.
Asshat.
What I am old enough to notice is that fewer and fewer people will follow along when you sacrifice your own credibility for a spotlight or a buck UNLESS you already have power yourself, you accumulate a distant audience that does NOT know you for your dirty work, or you have power (and money) behind you. Then all bets are still off, and I know this to be a cynical conclusion. But it is what it is.
Until all is lost, I will try to use my intellect, my compassion and my story in service to the world I want to see, not the one we’re mucking around in now. I will find and focus on the bright lights in this world, those striving to push past the old ways and find something kinder beyond the struggle. I prefer to be one of those.
So if I have any advice to offer, it is this, know what comes next. Have an actual plan. You can be one of the “burn it down” people who doesn’t care what happens with the ashes, and we need you -but stay in your lane- because we need the pragmatists, too. Something will fill every void you leave behind. Something always does. Will it be any better or even worse? Maybe ask yourself, “and then what?” before you light another match.
Peace, Lovelies,
- MM
Originally published at http://iammarthamadrigal.wordpress.com on March 12, 2022.
